Wild Tongues Can't Be Tamed by Saraciea J. Fennell
Author:Saraciea J. Fennell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Flatiron Books
Cuban Impostor Syndrome
Zakiya N. Jamal
Growing up on Long Island, my high school was more diverse than others but still overwhelmingly white, so when a new guy in school mentioned he was Cuban, I couldnât help being excited.
âIâm Cuban too!â I said without hesitation.
Now, I can remember so clearly the look of skepticism on his face and in his voice when he said, âReally?â But back then, I either didnât notice or decided to brush it aside.
âYeah,â I told him. âMy grandmaâs from Cuba.â
âOkay.â
That was it. End of conversation. He turned away from me.
I hadnât been looking for someone who was Cuban or someone Iâd have something in common with, but when I found him, I thought it was really cool. For the briefest of moments, I considered telling him about the best Cuban restaurants in the area and asking him if he knew the same music Iâd always hear at family parties. I wanted to ask if he pronounced plantains the right way (itâs plan-tins, not plan-tains). I felt like there was so much for us to discuss, and yet he didnât feel that way at all. Instead, I was dismissed as if my being Cuban was unbelievable, which is almost laughable to me now.
The boy was white-passing. He had blond hair and pale skin and, like me, no one would have ever guessed by looking at him that he was Cuban. But while I didnât question his ethnicity because of his race, he didnât offer me the same courtesy. The dismissal made me feel like Iâd been given a Cuban test and failed.
At the time, my mind didnât automatically go to racism or colorism. Though my grandma is as dark as I am, the members of our family come in all shades, and some are even white-passing, like the boy in my school. Although we looked different, we were all treated the same. I was never made to feel less than or even teased because of what I looked like. We were all Cuban, and we were all equal.
Or at least I thought we were.
After that conversation with the boy in my school, my eyes were opened. I didnât have the words for it yet, but I knew it was my Blackness that cast doubt on my authenticity as a Cuban person. I knew that if one of my lighter-skinned cousins had met this boy, he probably wouldnât have dismissed them.
The realization was a slow unraveling in me that led to what I now refer to as my Cuban Impostor Syndrome. Similar to the way I would often feel like I couldnât call myself a writer because I wasnât published, I started to think I couldnât say I was Cuban because I didnât fit the mold of what a Cuban should be.
It started with my race, but then started to spiral. I began comparing myself to the other Latinx people around me. On my street, there were two other Latinx families. One I didnât know very well, but the other was close friends with my aunt and cousin whose home my mother and I later moved into.
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